I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
