I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
