1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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