We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
