I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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