Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
