you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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