Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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