Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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