I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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