Dude my mom stole all your condoms
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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