Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I love you. Go after that dick
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
