i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
