Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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