They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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