Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
