but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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