Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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