So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
