I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
