he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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