She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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