Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
