They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
