I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
