I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
