do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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