I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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