Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
