I wanna passion pit in your ass
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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