I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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