peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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