Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
