dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
