I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize