I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
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