Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
