well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
