probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
