new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Did I show you my penis last night?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
