i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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