the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
