just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
