low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
