Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize