There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
