i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i've created a new STD.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
