how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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