oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
