evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
high people should be assigned attendants
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
