What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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