So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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