i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
