Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
