ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
