i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
