no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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