the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
