Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
