dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
