Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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