We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
