filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
