So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she woke up with a sticky ear
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize