so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
