I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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