On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize