the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
