I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
